Scared of conflict? You're not alone!

Sometimes it helps to have a paradigm with which to look at a conflict, and by which it can be broken down into more manageable pieces. One paradigm that many conflict specialists turn to and that is useful is known as the Wheel of Conflict*.

Essentially, at the center of the Wheel of Conflict are needs. Also referred to as interests, everyone has different needs - to be accepted or understood; to make a living and provide for self and others; to feel fulfilled in one's work. In any given situation, a need or interest is often at the core of the conflict, and is the ultimate "driver" of conflict.

Emanating from the center of the Wheel are several "spokes" through which conflict is typically experienced. These include the following:

• Communication. How we communicate to others - in writing, orally, or with body language - and how our words are perceived by the other party can accelerate a conflict, or even initiate it ("You won't believe what he just said to me!").

• Emotions. The same event may trigger different emotions in parties. A colleague leaving your team may be a sad event for you, an angry one for your boss, and a happy one for your co-worker.

• Values. Opposing values-systems often create conflicts. What seems appropriate for one person may be considered rude by someone else; cultural values can also create tensions.

• History. The longer the history between the parties, the more chance there is for a complex conflict. At the same time, a long history together can be an impetus for reconciliation and working together.

• Structure. Some structural systems may set the stage more easily for conflict to occur. Sometimes it's a matter of figuring out how to work within the system you have, or working to change it when the opportunity arises.

The next time you find yourself in a conflict situation, consider the Wheel of Conflict paradigm, or utilize a different method for breaking down what is really happening. With the opportunity for reflection and analysis, you might be able to approach the conflict with a renewed outlook, thereby discovering interests before moving on to generating options for resolution.

*Adapted from B. Mayer and C. Moore. Source: Mayer, Bernard (2012). The Dynamics of Conflict. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Tero thanks Russell Gibson for creating this Graduate Development Challenge