Are You Who You Say You Are?

The eyes are very unreliable witnesses.
Sometimes they see what they are meant to see.

Hercule Poirot, Agatha Christie's famous Belgian detective, uttered this significant phrase when solving a murder mystery that had captured his attention. He realized, as many of us do, that simply perceiving something does not make it true.

We form perceptions all day every day. Whether checking out the dating pool, interviewing a candidate for employment, evaluating the school district in the area, observing an employee at work, approaching a manager, or sizing up a political candidate, we consult our mental database and form a perception.

How are perceptions formed? What impact do perceptions have on success? Can we influence how others perceive us?

In psychology and the cognitive sciences, perception is the process of acquiring, interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information. Relying most heavily on our five primary senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch) and to some degree on our sixth sense (gut), we arrange our impressions to form a conclusion? our perception.

In business, perception is reputation.

Everyone knows the story of the man who showed up for an introductory cup of coffee with his Match.com date only to realize that the photo of the individual he was to meet didn't look anything like the woman who was waiting for him.

Or what about the woman who chatted online for months with someone she thought was taller than her and then in meeting him found herself wishing she hadn't worn heels. He had clearly embellished his height on the online profile.

When individuals create their persona for online dating sites, they frequently exaggerate or outright lie on their profiles in an attempt to attract a mate. Misleading virtual identities have become common as more and more relationships develop online.

In face-to-face meetings, physical attributes are obvious, and personality traits start to emerge early in the relationship. In fact, as the relationship develops, the personality traits tend to override the physical attributes as people begin to get to know and relate to one another on a deeper level.

Online dating sites have added an element of mistrust as false identities are able to flourish and remain undetected as long as the relationship stays in the virtual sphere. What do men exaggerate about? Most often they embellish their education, profession, socioeconomic status, and height. What about women? The most common complaint of men who have met women online say it's that women portray themselves as lighter in weight and younger in age.

Is the carefully constructed virtual identity an example of deception or simply descriptive of an individual's ideal self?

Questions about authenticity of online identity are not limited to dating sites. Organizations fall into this trap.

Businesses seeking to create a favorable impression and leverage the vast reach of the Internet often create an online presence inconsistent with the offline experience individuals will have with the organization.

The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the world
is to be in reality what we would appear to be.
- Socrates

Take the example of booking a hotel online. Perusing the pictures on the hotel's website or the discount travel site leads you to believe you're going to arrive to a beautifully appointed room with every amenity, including a fine dining experience onsite. You imagine and anticipate the look on your partner's face when he or she arrives at this paradise with you.

Unfortunately, your expectations don't match up with your online research. Instead of a beautifully appointed room, you arrive to tired quarters that have seemingly not been updated for decades, evidenced by the stained brown shag carpeting. When you inquire at the front desk about reservations for your fine dining experience, you're informed the hotel no longer serves dinner, and in fact, if you wish to have dinner, you need to get in your car and drive to a different part of the city. Or you can order pizza from the takeout menu they provide.

You instantly realize your credibility is now forever linked with this travel experience, and unfortunately, the dismayed look on your partner's face is the only cue you'll receive for the rest of the evening, because he or she has stopped talking to you. It's not what you imagined.

When reality is mixed and expectations are not met, the results can be catastrophic.

And some of the wounds are self-inflicted, as Anthony Weiner, disgraced member of the US House of Representatives from New York City, found out the hard way. Three sexual scandals related to his own sexting behavior led to his resignation as congressman in 2011 and the breakdown of his marriage in 2016.

Individuals go to a lot of trouble to create an expectation of greatness in their resumes and online profiles. Similarly, companies go to a lot of trouble to create an expectation of greatness either online, with their physical facilities, or in their marketing materials. Unfortunately, it's often forgotten that we must be ready to meet the expectations we create. It's easy to exceed low expectations. If we created an anticipation of greatness, those expectations are high.

Your Invisible Toolbox

The temptations to (mis)represent ourselves and our organizations as idealized or aspirational versions of ourselves is very high. What happens when we artificially create a perception that we can't consistently meet or exceed? Who we are, what we do, and what we say must all be aligned.

Align online and offline identity

Written with the largest cohort in the workplace, the millennial generation in mind, Your Invisible Toolbox: The Technological Ups and Downs of the Millennial Generation, is a must read for anyone wanting to enhance their interpersonal interactions at work. It will be available on Amazon in April 2017.

If you would like to be notified of the book's release, send us an email at training@tero.com.

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