Listening Styles

Each of us tends to have a predominant listening style. We may switch between the different styles depending on the person, the situation and how we feel at the time, and many of us tend to refer to one style over the others. As you read through the descriptions of the different listening styles and their corresponding characteristics, see if you can identify which style you use the most.

Sympathetic Listener

Characteristics

• Makes eye contact with the speaker

• Seems to be able to relate to what the speaker is saying. May say things like; "I know what you mean." Or, "Yes, that must be frustrating."

• Body language supports what they are hearing. May nod, lean forward and shake their head as they listen. Their facial expression also tends to convey a look of concern and compassion.

• Can be perceived as condescending. It may feel to the speaker that the listener feels pity for them.

Questioning Listener

Characteristics

• Appears to be engaged in what the speaker is saying.

• Asks lots of questions about what the speaker is saying.

• May ask too many questions to the point that the speaker feels like he or she is being grilled or interviewed.

• May ask questions that are of interest to themselves and get the speaker off track.

Fake Listener

Characteristics

• Body language conveys a listening posture, but then they say or do things that don't fit with what the speaker is saying (and thereby prove they are not listening). For example, may ask questions the speaker has already answered.

• May nod or act like they understand, but often have a blank expression or eyes that dart around as they think about other things.

• May ask the speaker to repeat him/herself often.

Interrupting Listener

Characteristics

• May seem impatient or irritated.

• May seem excited about the topic.

• Will cut the speaker off and start talking before the speaker is finished talking.

• May change the subject.

Like Me Listener

Characteristics

• May pretend to be listening by acting interested in what the speaker is saying and is actually thinking about what impression they are making on the speaker.

• May miss what the speaker is saying because they are listening to their own inner dialogue: "Do they like me? Do I look okay? Did what I just said sound okay?"

Analytical Listener

Characteristics

• Ignores the 55% (what the speaker looks like - gestures, facial expressions, body language, eye contact) and the 38% (the speaker's tone of voice and vocal inflection).

• Concentrates only on the 7% (the words) and analyzes them.

• May appear to be picky about the words and grammar the speaker uses and corrects him or her often.

• Ignores the way a speaker feels or what he or she seems to being trying to communicate and focuses only on exactly what is said.

All About Me

Characteristics

• Doesn't seem interested in hearing what the speaker is saying.

• Will use anything the speaker says as an opportunity or springboard into his or her own interests or experiences.

• May twist conversations to bring up opportunities to talk about themselves, their accomplishments, popular friends or nice belongings.

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