I Never Knew You Felt That Way

Once made aware, we see how our biases make us blind to another's needs and experience. Experiencing diversity only matters if it helps us recognize that what we hold as true, or right, or even politically correct is just one view. There are other views that are equally as valid and important. Our task is to examine the differences that present themselves to us, and learn.

Cross-cultural misunderstandings are more prevalent than you think. If you say or do something that offends someone, and it has a cultural implication, chances are it won't be discussed. Consider these three cases, all true, with the names changed to protect the innocent but with permission given to share.

Case #1

Louis was a French IT manager hired by a small US West Coast firm. In France, hierarchy is demonstrated through expertise. So being the IT head of this firm was a true source of pride. One day, Louis was walking down the hall, where the president of the company, the controller, and a few others were standing around talking. As Louis approached, the president summoned him into the group and excitedly introduced an idea for IT he had read about over the weekend. The president felt this new technology would benefit the business and wanted to look into it. Louis was stunned, for in France, this type of informal discussion wouldn't be happening, because, by the way, he was the expert in IT. Why was the president discussing this? Louis should have been the one to promote a new idea.

Case #2

Lanying was originally from China but now worked on a US manufacturing team. In China, Lanying had learned from an early age to always converse in a way that didn't formally disagree with anyone. You never said anything that would cause someone to do what in China is called "losing face." Lanying was the brains of her team. Often the team held brainstorming discussions to determine if they should invest in a particular product or process. When the consensus was arrived at, Lanying's boss would look to her and ask if she agreed. He knew her opinion and decision were the ones to listen to. Put on the spot, if Lanying didn't agree, she would say, "We could try." To her that meant "no," but to her US boss it sounded like validation for the idea and was a green light.

Case #3

Peter was assigned to his company's office in Germany. A competent manager in the United States, he was expected to make a skilled expatriate manager who would bridge the expectations and understandings of the German counterparts with the home office. Peter took his assignment seriously and desired to create "one company" regardless of geographical distance. Upon arrival to the German offices, Peter noticed that all of the individual office doors stayed closed throughout the day. In the United States the home office had just been renovated to reflect a shared, inclusive modern workplace. Communal work areas were designed to enhance collaboration. Peter decided one of the first things to do was to request that everyone open their office doors because that was how things were done in the United States.

If we are going to live with our deepest differences then we must learn about one another.
- Deborah J. Levine

In each of these cases, the misunderstanding was not communicated. It was just felt.

• Louis didn't tell the president how upset he was. In fact, why it upset him wasn't even completely clear to him; he just knew the situation prompted some terrible feelings, and he questioned if he was valued.

• In the case of Lanying, telling her boss she was uncomfortable saying no due to the fact that she was a high-context communicator wasn't an option. In her native language, Mandarin, there is no single character or word that means no, and by saying "we could try" she was really saying "no."

• For Peter, no one complained to him when they had to adjust their preference of having office doors closed even though that was the norm in the German office. They did, however, register the idea that it was his way or the highway, and they surmised he would not be respectful of what mattered to them. Thus the feeling he created and knew nothing about affected his leadership and success as an expat.

Silence is said to be golden. The unfortunate aspect of silence prompted by cross-cultural misunderstanding is that it really isn't silent. The volume of discontent and the feelings of shame and mistrust are loud and clear on the inside of individuals. Because cultural norms and ways run so deep within us, we often cannot find the words to express the problem in the issue. Wouldn't it be great if through cultural understanding we could avoid the issues altogether?

Your Invisible Toolbox

Be on the lookout for potential cross-cultural misunderstandings. Building relationships with those culturally different from you can yield dividends in learning to understand cultural nuances.

Learn about culture

Written with the largest cohort in the workplace, the millennial generation in mind, Your Invisible Toolbox: The Technological Ups and Interpersonal Downs of the Millennial Generation, is a must read for anyone wanting to enhance their interpersonal interactions at work. It will be available on Amazon in April 2017.

If you would like to be notified of the book's release, send us an email at training@tero.com.

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